The Perfect Marriage: Eggplant Parmigiana

An Excellent Vegetarian Entree for the Pythagorean and Like-Minded People

The Nightshade Family (Solanaceae) announces the Wedding of two of its members, distant cousins. The Bride, S. Lycopersicon Esculentum, who hails from South America, wears a Beautiful Red Wedding gown which was the reason why she was cultivated in European gardens-- not to be eaten-- but, for the color of her fruit. The fear was that, like her beautiful cousin, Belladonna (Atropa belladonna) whose roots and leaves yield Atropine, is a deadly poison. (However, very good for counteracting the effects of nerve gas poisoning). The effects of Belladonna were well known to Europeans during the middle ages. Cunning Folk, i.e. Witches, (The Early Internists) prescribed Atropine for gastric distress (spasms). On the other hand, Lucrezia Borgia, the Duchess of Ferrara and daughter of Rodrigo Lanzol y Borja (very proper Spanish Visigothic name) who became Pope Alexander VI, used it for its dilative action on the pupils of her eyes.

Lucrezia used to put drops of atropine onto her eyes to dilate the pupils in the belief that men thought that dilated pupils on a woman made them more beautiful, hence, the name Belladonna. You know, she was right. Recent studies have proven that hypothesis. When men were shown two seemingly identical photographs of the same woman, although, unbeknownst to them, the pupils of the woman in one of the photos had been clinically dilated, the men all chose the photo of the woman with her pupils dilated. The men in the study were not given enough time to examine the photos minutely. They all thought they were looking at the same photo. (If you need to prove this point, somewhere buried beneath tons of paper and books, I still have that study.)

The English call the Bride, Tomato; I prefer Tomate, from the Spanish/S.A. Indian, Nahuatl Tomatl. The French, also, call her Tomate.

The Groom, S. Solanum Melongena, hails from Southern Asia. The rotund and pompous groom, resplendent in his dark purple tux wears a green tie around his neck. The French call him Aubergine; the English, Guinea Squash. In America, he is called Eggplant.

One of the groom's closest cousins, S. Solanum Tuberosum, comes from the Americas. The Spanish call him Papa from the Taino (Puerto Rican Indian) Batata. The French call him Pomme de Terre (Ground Apple): the English, Potato (sorry, no "E" except in the plural). Although on very good terms with the rest of the family, S. Tuberosum was not invited to this wedding, neither were other cousins: Bell Pepper, Tobacco Sweet Potato, Petunia and especially not S. Datura Stramonium, known in America as Jimson Weed (She is too psychedelic).

The Wedding will be held in Parma, Italy, the home of the Bride's best friend and maid of honor, Parmi A. Giana. The Groom's best man will be the plump, ever saltless, Mozza Rella.

THE WEDDING
(Don't be afraid to go to the extreme. It will be a long ceremony)

"It is an Ancient Mariner,
And he stoppeth one of three,
'By thy long grey beard and glittering eye,
Now wherefore stopp'st thou me?

The Bridegroom's doors are opened wide,
And I am the next of kin;
The guests are met, the feast is set:
May'st thou hear the merry din?'"

The Bride and Groom: (Already invited)
-6 to 8 plump stewed or canned Italian tomatoes (a pound to a pound and a half)
-2 plump and firm Eggplants

The Guests:
-1 Green Italian Bell Pepper (Here (in Budapest), they are called Kalifornia Paprika, Go figure?)
-1 large onion
-2 tablespoons of Capers (at least)
-10 or more (lots) of Spanish pitted olives (Slice them up)
-I pound of Mozzarella (diced)
-5 to 6 ounces of grated parmesan (a lot)
-1 ˝ cups of a fine bodied Bordeaux (Stay away from Italian wine: too young too fruity. Anyway, while you are cooking, you should be tasting the French wine, while listening to Italian music: Puccini or Verdi are suggested as essential ingredients. I prefer a Margaux to a Médoc, but I eschew St. Emilion: for the same reason as the Italian...too sharp too fruity.
-1 to 2 cups of tomato sauce
-1 cup of water (you may very well have to add more, later)
-2 tablespoons Spanish Extra Virgin Olive Oil for cooking (Biased? You bet!)
-ALSO, 1 to 2 cups of olive oil for sautéing the eggplant (Very Important)
-2 tablespoons of Tarragon vinegar, or better, 2 tablespoons of freshly squeezed Lemon Juice.
-3 or 4 cups of Bread Crumbs. (I make my own from stale bread with my blender)
-2 to 3 eggs
The Ring Bearers:
-A Minimum of at least 6 cloves of fresh Garlic (Absolutely no powdered garlic. It's all from China and it has more MSG in it than Garlic.)
-1 tablespoon of salt (Start with less, if you prefer, but keep tasting as you go. Add or subtract, depending on taste and blood pressure. If salt brings up the blood pressure, garlic will bring it down.)
The Flower Girls:
-2 tablespoons of oregano (Tastes great and breaks down gas)
-2 tablespoons of Basil or a lot more. Basil is purported to be an aphrodisiac. (I think it's true).
-1/2 teaspoon freshly ground Black Pepper. (Take it easy with this one)
-1 Bay leaf
-Lots of dried Parsley. (We won't need it until we begin to bake)
The Vehicles For The Wedding Party:
-1 Cast Iron 4-quart Pot with cover (I think they are called Dutch Ovens. Don't ask me why).
-1 10" x 13" Baking Pan. I prefer Heavy Metal, but Pyrex, heat resistant enamel are all good.
-1 or two large skillets or cast iron frying pans
We are ready!

THE CEREMONY
Heat the pot for a few minutes over a moderate fire, add a few tablespoons of olive oil (Spanish). When the oil is hot but not smoking, add the Green Pepper which you have sliced longitudinally (like new moons) then cut those slices in half and throw into the pot. (Time to put on the opera). Slice and dice the Onion. Add to the pot. (Don't dice into too little pieces, you will want to recognize them as onion when you are finished. ) Smash, don't dice the Garlic. Add to the pot. Stir the Green Pepper, Onions and Garlic occasionally. Don't let the Onions burn. You have to keep and eye on the pot: stir, look, etc. until the Onions become almost translucent.

Meanwhile open the wine. Go ahead, take a Sip.

Open the can(s) of tomato sauce and the stewed tomatoes. Take another Sip.
Onions ready? Pour in the tomato sauce. Stir and wait until it gets hot. Stir, stir, stir...
Now it's time to add the tomatoes, Stir, and with a kitchen knife, cut up the tomatoes (not too small). Stir. Turn up the heat until it begins to bubble. Add the Wine, and take a Sip. Stir, stir, until it looks like it is getting hot. Then, add the Salt, Black Pepper, Oregano, Basil, Bay Leaf, Capers and Olives. Stir. Add the Tarragon Vinegar or Fresh Lemon Juice and a tablespoon or two of Spanish Olive Oil. Stir. Take a Sip. When it starts to boil, add the Water. The pot should be almost full. Stir. Wait until it starts to boil again, then lower the flame and bring to a slow boil for about 30 minutes stirring and Sipping. (Aren't you glad that you didn't pour all that fine wine into the pot?) At the end of 30 minutes, lower the flame (low but not the lowest) and cover.

Cook for three hour, stirring every 20 to 30 minutes. Have a Sip and prepare the Eggplant. Peel and slice the Eggplant longitudinally (about a quarter inch in thickness). Place all the slices in a large pot with a lot of salted water to take out the acid. The water will turn black. You can change the water two or three times. Let them soak that way for two hours.

Pour out a glass of the wine, check the bottle: congratulate yourself for having purchased two bottles, sit back and relax. Read your email.

When the opera is almost finished, you should be feeling pretty darn good... about your effort, of course. If it is a young wine, you can open the second bottle to breath. Re-cork it and place it in the bottom of the frig. (It breathed enough Oxygen.) Every once in a while uncork it and re-cork it. Room temperature in a castle is found somewhere on the bottom shelf of the door to your frig.

Prepare your bread crumbs. Okay, I know that in the States you can buy "unseasoned" bread crumbs in the Super Market. It's quite easy to manufacture your own. Your call. Lay off the wine for a while.

-Beat the eggs well.
-Sprinkle a lot of bread crumbs on a large platter.
-Drain the Eggplants.
-Heat up the Frying Pans. Pour in a half a cup of Spanish Olive Oil in each and bring the fire to a medium flame.
-One by one, dip the eggplant slices into the egg mixture and then place them on the bread crumbs. Cover both sides, then place in the Frying Pan(s). Watch them and the oil level carefully. The oil tends to disappear pretty quickly, and you will have to add more. Don't be afraid to turn them over as much as you like. The result should be golden brown slices of breaded Eggplant slices. Remove and place on paper towel to soak, before placing them on another plate. The whole process should take an hour. A cup of tea would be nice right about now. I prefer Coke with a slice of lemon.

-Turn the oven on and preheat to 345 degrees.

Aren't you happy it's Saturday or Sunday and you have nothing better to do?

-The sauce should be thick but not too thick Thin is no good.

-Pour three or four ladles full of sauce into the bottom of the Baking Pan. Lay the Eggplant slices over the sauce. Fill the bottom of the pan, then, pour more sauce over the top of the slices. Make a second layer and cover with sauce. You should have enough sauce and slices for three layers.

-When everything is in the pan and looks real pretty, start dotting the top with pieces of Mozzarella. I like to see a lot on top. Your call, once again.
-Then, sprinkle copious amounts of Parmesan cheese all over the top. Fill up the spaces between the Mozzarella pieces. It should look almost white.
-Almost ready... Sprinkle dry Parsley over the top. Make it look Christmasy (Sic). You can add some more Basil on the top, too. But, remember what I told you about Basil.

Kiss it, and place it in the oven for 45 minutes. Check it regularly. The cheese can be allowed to brown slightly, but it must never burn.
-Boil the water. Smash two or three cloves of Garlic. Cook the Spaghetti to the texture which you prefer, I like a little al dente. Drain, smother it in Pure Extra Virgin Italian or Spanish Olive Oil. Add the smashed Garlic, a little Fresh Ground Black Pepper and salt. Place in the serving dish. Take the second bottle of wine out of the frig and place it on the table (I'm assuming that there is none of the first bottle remaining).
-Times up (not the NYT), take the Beautiful looking, Mouth watering and Wonderful smelling Eggplant Parmigiana out of the Oven and serve.
--I didn't mention it before, because I often don't have a salad with this meal, because it's almost all vegetable, anyway. But a mixed green salad goes well with this meal: Romaine lettuce, Spinach and kale (Absolutely no tomato and no cucumber. There already is enough tomato in the entree and the combination of Eggplant and cucumber can produce a powerful effect on the GI tract which one would be wise to avoid.)

Szia,
From Budapest